Thursday, 8 May 2014

Checking out

I can't wait to be out of this place, to get home and shower away the stink of the prison. It won't be long until I can remove this uniform, change back into my own clothes, collect my belongings and leave. Leave behind the keys and the doors, the sound of boots on the steel-grilled landings, the sickening weight of fear that is always lodged in my guts.

I can't wait for the doors to open, to step out into daylight and be on my way home, away from the petty rules, and the casual brutalisation.

It will feel so good, on the outside. I never want to come back, but I know I will. Next week I'm on night shift.

"Ohmigod" Samaantha

"Ohmigod" Samaantha never entered a place; she always made an entrance. She always made sure she was heard, just on the off chance we hadn't seen her trailing her trophy husband. "He's so much younger than me, but you know, I never met anyone else before who I even wanted to marry. I just knew, after two months. This Is the Man for Me. Isn't he gorgeous?"

Gorgeous trophy just grimaced, fully convinced the expression was an endearing grin. Samaantha spoke with an edge of desperation which she tried to convey as enthusiasm, that hyper tone which cut through any crowd, even in her hushed confidences. That desperation, seeking of approval, was evident to everyone, except Ohmigod herself. Dropping names and justifications like an amputee juggler, her intense eyes bore into whatever audience she had selected for the moment, with all due appearances of sincerity. Of course Ohmigod always wanted to talk to you, so long as you wanted to listen about her. Which of course you did.

"I was almost beginning to think I'd been left on the shelf," she confided. "But what fun I had on the shelf! But now that I'm," and here she stage-whispered, "forty …" and paused for the expected 'oh but you don't look it,' even though she did. "Well, you know. Tick tock," she continued, undeterred.

Gorgeous trophy continued to grimace. "All my previous boyfs were all singers with bands, or racing drivers, or managing directors," she patted his arm, "but so interested in themselves, you know. Like the last one, big, and I mean big, football fan. So he had to go. Not gene pool material."

"I've done the career thing, but now I'm ready for somewhere quieter, suitable for the progeny. Oh, it's so quaint here, but Girl Guide holiday or what? Well, we would have to choose the oldest house in the village, so historic and full of character. Tiny, but all period, you know. It's like camping, and I know I've done the London thing, and would never go back, but I do miss Harrods," she dropped, as though expecting either complete agreement, or else an admission of unfathomable social inferiority on the part of her audience.

One had to be impressed, simply had to be. Else Ohmigod would be off to the next willing or unwitting victim to project against. One might after a while wish for that, of course.

"How long have we been married? Nearly two months, isn't it delicious?" Gorgeous trophy tried as hard to look enthusiastic as Samaantha tried to sound it, but he was already looking bored. But that's the thing with social ladders. You only need the bottom rung once.

Caribbean magic

Stood at the bow, gazing down into the water breaking around our
progress, seeing the faint glimmer of phosphorescence. Fist-sized
balls of light dancing in the foam, and occasionally a larger,
unidentified light will burst into life, tumble through our wake and
slip silently back into darkness.

It is a night illuminated by the first quarter of the moon, shrouded at
times in a gentle gathering of cloud, bright-edged and dark-hearted,
yet in the prow's shadow, eyes can adjust to the darkness and see
this spectacular dance. To describe it would be to describe an
hallucination, a mariner's tale born of madness or isolation. But no,
this is how the world is.

The day's glass-smooth sea has been stirred once more, and the
swell is rising, gently and slowly, but noticeably. The brief respite,
of walking straight, standing securely, is over. We are back to pitch
and roll. Meanwhile, the moon's horns sink down towards the
horizon, chasing the sun who left us hours ago, and the bow
sparks cold fire from the surface of the deep.

The day itself ended in a shroud of pink and blue, the remnant
footsteps of a tangerine sun that sank slowly into the Caribbean,
blinking at the end its elusive flash of green light. Now stars familar
and unknown take their stations. Orion upright once more since
crossing the equator, Sirius, his spouse bright and serene as ever.
The great bear now hangs at a tortured angle, and the southern
cross is now but a memory from beneath alien skies. The dim path
of the milky way has become bright here, removed from the lights
and distractions of land.

Nearing journey's end the southern stars are a receding memory,
fading over the horizon with every turn of the screw. Those of the
north are old friends, laying out a homecoming.

A man may go out to sea, but can never entirely return. A piece of
his soul will always remain on the waves, watching the fish and the
birds, looking for whales and rocks, and bathing in the silent
moonlight. Why else would he ever go back to sea, to risk the
vengeance of its vastness, to feel the might of its grandeur tossing
the eggshell frailty of his ship? To relive the agony of such
exquisite transient beauties? For none of these; solely to recover
the lost portion of his soul. But each time he goes, a little more is
lost. Then one day he is all gone, he returns with no soul left at all,
and just stares through the rest of his life watching the waves
crashing behind his eyelids.

Pierre

His hatred had become a palpable thing. I could see it perched upon Pierre's shoulder, a darkness whispering into his unhearing ear as he drove us through the rolling russet-dashed greenery of the British Columbian autumn.

Fifty years before, he had arrived in Vancouver, a fearful child, a refugee from occupied Paris. Today, the bitterness of the Seine still pulsed in his twisted veins, his hatred a jackboot forever pressing his winter-leathered face into the mire.

The darkness shone through his tight grey eyes, the bitterness curled his whitened hair into unruly knots. He gripped the wheel, tendons and sinews distorting the thin skin of his clawed hands, echoing the unrelenting clutch of the eagle's talons upon his lost childhood.

Half a century of exile under Canada's yawning skies, amidst the richness of snow-fed lakes that nestled deep in valleys carved by long dead giants, hadn't eased his hateful pain. Instead the black succubus on his shoulder gnawed away at his withered compassion.

Pierre slowed the car to point out a miserable huddle of log cabins squatting in a lakeside hollow. "That's the reservation," he spat at us, "Where the Indians live tax free since the government gave it to them."

Eagles soared above these mountains once, ranging a thousand miles in every direction, before their wings were broken, before Pierre and his succubus settled.

Pierre gestured once more, dismissive, resentful, his claw describing the tiny valley. "All this," he snarled, "all this is Indian land now."

Flamenco

Two chairs, rustic, woven-seated, blue painted, stood side by side, angled together in a conspiratorial huddle upon the stage, which loomed a sparse two inches above the floor. On one chair, a guitar reclined. The other was vacant. Chairs such as Van Gogh would have revelled in, vibrant, expectant, actors on the stage, not mere props.

Before the stage, a crowd. Open, honest, sun-leathered faces cracked with smiles and cameraderie, glowing with the warmth of slapped backs, beer and the open fire. Smoke curled into the gaping chimney, logs crackling with tension.

A silence fell as two men mounted the low-slung stage. Inattentive chatterers at the rear of the crowd were shushed, for flamenco is not entertainment, but culture, the crowd not spectators, but participants. The anguished strumming, soundboard rapping, and melodic picking of the guitar combined with the plaintive voices, and were picked up in counterpoint by the clapping of hands. Songs of love and pain, starry nights and war, Moorish roots showing through echoes of the muezzin’s call.

It was not performance, but dialogue, a long tradition played out across the stage-floor divide that was no divide. A hundred years ago, the same scene could have been played out, or a hundred years hence. Traditional words, known by all, were savoured, and topical variations, knowing takes on the day’s gossip were applauded with a shouted ‘¡olĂ©!’ and some old boy would receive a dig in the ribs and a wink or two.

Occasionally someone would dance, tracing on the floor the toreador’s footsteps, or a lover’s swoon. More than music, it was community in action, particular yet inclusive, for the community here also includes the transient tourists that pass, and the foreigners who have settled. All that is required is presence. We may not all understand the Andaluz singing, but rhythm is universal, and passion is passion in any tongue.

By day the bar is quiet. The chairs wait in their huddle, and the stage is not quite empty. Flamenco echoes between these whitewashed walls permanently.

Then I wonder whether I am in receipt of something special, a chance to join, however transiently, this unique event; or should I hang my head on realising that the highlight of my week is to clap along to the wailing of two old men with a guitar?

Pigeon People

The boy steps through the crowd of pigeons feeding in the Town Square, each stride slotting into a space as the birds mill around uncaring, as though they can't see the intruder in their midst.

A puppy bounds in, all lolling tongue and soft fur and enthusiasm, and despite his gentle soul, the pigeons fly. Having flown they scatter, reshuffle their flock, and settle again, in new patterns, new distributions to peck at the tourist-scattered corn and discarded sandwiches. A young family advances, with a wobble-wheeled buggy full of impatient wailing to the fore. Again the pigeons fly, scatter, reshuffle, resettling in the wake of this latest disturbance.

Mouselike, an archetypal librarian diffidently creeps across the cobbles. In her averted eyes we can read the unspoken promise that she shall one day whip off her spectacles, untangle her bunned-up hair, and fly headlong through the window wearing nothing more than a magic cape, thigh boots and a studded leather G-string. Today, she is demur, unremarkable, unthreatening; yet the pigeons flee at her approach nonetheless.

Lunchtime people-watchers, posing as office-workers engrossed in their lawful business of eating packed lunches, peer over their wholegrain and Tupperware horizons, eyes busily tracking the birds' and the intruders' movements across the square.

The boy returns, retracing his steps through the flock. Again the pigeons ignore him, and the people-watchers munch on, noses down amongst the picalilly and peanut butter.

I often wondered; now I know. To not scare the pigeons, one must be invisible. Yet I can see the boy.

When I walk away through the feeding flock, not a feather stirs. No-one watches me leave, except the smiling boy.

Photographing Dolphins

The shutter snapped, and the bottlenose dolphin diving gracefully back into the spray was immortalised on celluloid.


"I finally got one!" cried Felicity, shaking her Pentax excitedly towards Joanna. "Oh, it will be beautiful, Jo. I can't wait to show Andrew," she gushed, then instantly burst into tears. Joanna stepped away from the rail and enfolded her friend in a comforting embrace.



"There, there," she soothed, "It's okay, it will all be okay. Come on, Fliss, let's sit down." The two women walked the few paces back to their deckchairs and settled down beside Jo's husband.


"Bernard, be a dear and fetch us a couple more G & T's," Jo prodded. He raised an arm, preparing to call over a steward, but Jo flashed him a sharp look and rolled her eyes towards her distraught friend. "Fetch" she mouthed silently. Bernard grumbled under his breath at having to leave his seat, but still headed off towards the bar, leaving the women to talk in peace, or at least as much peace as the liner's crowded sun deck offered.


"Oh, Fliss, I promise, it will get better, with time. I know it sounds hard now, but life does go on you know."


Felicity had heard that many times recently, even said it herself to others on occasion, but this time she couldn't believe it. Not now, not since Andrew died. She would never show him another picture, she would never stage another slide show for him back in the vicarage, there would be no eager audience waiting for her to return with tales of wonder and images of beauty. There was no life left to her.


But this she couldn't explain to her dearest friend. She had become Andrew's eyes on the world, and now he wasn't there to see.


Joanna placed a pudgy hand over hers, and slowly Fliss reeled back the sobs, taking an occasional deep breath, until at last she was able to speak once more.


"It was my life, Jo. Andrew, the photos, it's what we shared more than anything."


"I know, Fliss, I know. But remember it was just your job before you married Andrew."


It was true, of course, it was what had brought the two friends together all those years before. Jo, the reporter, and Fliss, the agency photographer. Their paths had crossed in Beirut during the civil war. Cowering together in the basement of the hotel to sit out a three-day artillery bombardment, they had talked for hours, each discovering that the other had chosen her job for the travel, the chance to see the world and be paid for the pleasure. Yet Beirut had been no pleasure, and the new friends had vowed to find a better outlet for their talents than covering wars and disasters. Once their respective contracts were over, and they met up again in England, they had settled on the plan which had since made them household names.


It had been a hard and slow beginning, but once their first illustrated travel guide had been published, and the royalties began to trickle in, they realised they had hit upon a winning formula.


Fliss and Andrew had been an unlikely couple, yet he had been an ardent fan of her photography long before they actually met. The day he walked into Felicity's life, at a book-signing in a small, independent bookshop in Chichester, he was not wearing his dog-collar. If he had been, Felicity readily admitted, their love would never had grown as it had. In the event she saw a quiet man, with a passion for the world that exceeded her own, even though he had seen so little of it. It had been her photos, he had told her, that brought the world to his doorstep, and Jo's words, he'd added, diplomatically.


That all seemed so far away, so long ago, now on the cruise that Jo had suggested as a way to soften Fliss' lingering grief.


"Here you go," grunted Bernard, handing over the gin and tonics before slumping back into his deckchair with his beer and his trashy paperback novel.


"Shall we go back and watch the dolphins some more?" Jo suggested to Felicity, who nodded and almost instinctively grabbed for her camera. "Let's leave that here for now, hey?" said Jo, softly, and placed the camera back upon the deckchair as Felicity stood.


"Coming, Bernard?"


"What? Nah - seen one cetacean, you've seen them all."


The two women took their drinks back to the rail, between deckchairs and sun loungers, weaving a path between the bronzed and wrinkled sunbathers that habitually cluttered the deck. Arms crossed against the rail, the warm Aegean breeze drying the last remaining tears from her red eyes, Fliss let out a long melancholy sigh and gazed down at the churning water of the bow wave.


"There are so many of them, Jo. I never realised."


"They are beautiful, aren't they?"


"Yes. Yes, they are."


"And all the more so by not being framed in your viewfinder?"


Jo had tried hard, very hard, to persuade her friend to leave her cameras at home for the cruise, but to no avail. Fliss was determined to see the world at one remove, framed, behind glass. And to always see Andrew with every shot.


Felicity took a stiff mouthful from her glass before answering. "I suppose you're right. But I just keep thinking what a marvellous picture it would make."


"I know, dear, I know. But do you ever hear how much you swear each time you miss a shot? Old Mrs Cromarty yesterday blushed like a beetroot! It certainly doesn't sound like you're enjoying it. You should just take the time to stand and watch ... ooh, did you see that one?"


Fliss nodded quietly. "They are so elegant," she added after a while, "and I've never really noticed."


"No. Sometimes I feel like you don't really know what we've seen on our trips until you get home and have your films developed."


Ice tinkled against glass as Felicity took another deep gulp. "I've never told you this before, Jo, but sometimes I can't remember even seeing things I've photographed. There are places I don't recognise, people I'm sure I've never met, and wildlife I can't name."


"It never used to be like that, did it? You used to get so excited you'd forget to take the photos! Now look at you. What changed?"


"Andrew."


"Andrew? How so?" prompted Jo.


"He loved my photos so much. I guess he lived through me, because he could so rarely leave the Parish himself. And for my part, I began to live for him, to be his eyes. Neither of us had a complete life."


Another clink of ice, and Fliss' gin and tonic was drained, all but the melting cubes and the wilted lemon slice. "Thanks, Jo. I needed that."


Jo, in sympathy, polished off the remains of her own glass. "Me too! Let's spoil ourselves and have another."


"Why not?" replied Felicity, and Jo was relieved to see a hint of the wicked smile that made her love her friend so much. She turned and gestured to Bernard, holding up her empty glass with one hand and extending two fingers with the other. This time Bernard did call a steward, then walked over to join the women at the rail, peering down at the cavorting pod on the bow wave.


"Told you," he laughed. "That big guy was on the cover of National Geographic last month. See one, you've seen them all."


"Oh, Bernard, you're so cynical sometimes," Jo retorted, not entirely offended. She and Bernard had married young, whilst still at college studying journalism, and knew and accepted each other's different outlook with a practiced tolerance. She had been the adventurer, always a freelancer before becoming an author, whilst Bernard was the company man, having worked his way up from sports correspondent on the local rag to his current Fleet Street news editorship. Jo could never be sure which had come first - his cynicism or his job. Which had determined the other?


"And you, my dear, are far too romantic. These creatures are juvenile delinquent trans-sexual gang-rapists, you know. The males gather in large groups, hunt down and isolate solitary females, and ..."


"Yes, alright, dear. We get the picture." Jo.


"And they aren't picky either, if there are no females to be had," continued Bernard.


"But even so, you can surely appreciate their grace and beauty?"


"I see them for what they are, love, nothing more or less. Appearances don't come into it. They're like politicians - only interesting when they are misbehaving," he concluded.


"And that's why you never spend time watching sunsets, or dolphins, or spending time with friends, unless you're all down the pub getting drunk after work," she jibed, a little more sharply than before.


Finding the conversation cutting a little too close to the bone, Bernard turned to Fliss. "So, Felicity, what do you see? Fluffy beautiful little creatures, or delinquent sex offenders?"


Felicity's brow furrowed slightly as she pondered Bernard's question, and she was forced to admit that it was neither. "Usually, I see one of my most difficult subjects. They're so difficult to follow in a viewfinder, impossible to tell which one will jump next, and they're so fast. It's like it's always the one just out of shot that does the most amazing thing."


"That's why she swears so much," Jo laughed. "But, Fliss, you're always so tied up trying to get the perfect picture that you miss the beauty amidst all that frustration."


"I know," she whispered dolefully. "But I'm a photographer. That's what I am."


"No, Fliss," interjected Bernard. "That's what you DO."


"It's true. What you ARE is so much more, but you have to feed it, feed your soul. You've been Andrew's eyes for so long, you've just treated the world as subject matter. Life DOES go on. Your life. But it shouldn't just be a record of where your camera has been. You have thousands of beautiful photographs, but how many beautiful memories?"


Felicity fought back the tears, knowing it was time now to let go of Andrew, of the life she had led on his behalf.


The steward finally arrived with more G & T's, and another beer for Bernard. Fliss proposed a toast.


"To beautiful memories." All three raised their glasses.


"Now let's watch the dolphins awhile," she whispered, almost, but not quite, sobbing.

Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Al-kimiya

Christina Rose looked cross when I finally entered the glasshouse, or at least she made the face of it. I had kept her waiting and the air was hot, thick with the scent of orange blossom and wafting pollen. Beneath the new tendrils of the kiwi vines, speckled shade was dotted with the cheerful citrus hues of marigolds. Hoverflies trembled the still air as they danced between the limnanthes, the flowers spilling across the beds like heaped platters of poached eggs.

“You took your time, Michael,” in a not-quite-chiding tone.

“Distillation is a finicky business, Chris. My apprentice is doing well, but I can't leave her alone with it yet.”

“Distilling?” A raised eyebrow, more inquisitive than inquisitorial.

“Peppermint,” I began.

“It's a bit early in the year for that, isn't it?”

“The crop was ready. Mint doesn't understand the calendar, only the weather.”

Chris gave a wry half-laugh. “I'm glad someone understands it. I certainly don't any more.”

“No,” I sighed, “And the lavender won't be long either.”

A dark shadow appeared to cross her face, a misgiving, maybe. “I know it's a busy time for you, Michael, but I need you to do something for me, for the farm.”

She paused.

“A candidate. Check him out.”





New Alchemy Farm – my home, workplace, refuge, call it what you will - is a closed community, nominally a cooperative, but one in which all its members invariably defer to Christina Rose. We have a written constitution and democratic forms, but that's mostly honoured in the breach. Christina decides, we agree. It works for us.

We don't take new members lightly; after all, there's only so much land. Any new candidates have to bring something to the table. It's hard, but it's a hard world now. Refugees get a meal, shelter for the night, and a speedy farewell, and that's a meal and a rest more than they get anywhere else. Unless they can bring something to the table, of course, in which case we'll extend the welcome for a week or so. We don't tell them they are candidates, but if we – that is Christina – are happy, then they're invited to stay. Candidates usually come to us, which is why I was so surprised at Christina's request. It had been decades since I last went into the city and I must admit I felt some trepidation at the prospect. 





The travelling party was small. Myself, of course, Jake, the laconic Scot who had served in some never-specified regiment during an equally unspecified war, and Yusuf, a recent refugee who'd arrived one day with a haunted look and an unusual facility for weaving and tailoring which we appreciated enough to let him stay. 

Jake is a wily old coot, and if you ever need anyone watching your back, then Jake's your man. That's why he was with us. Going into the city these days, it's good to have someone to watch your back. Jake always keeps one ear to the ground, and some might think him over-cautious, but it's a caution that has kept him alive in some tough situations. 
Yusuf was wearing more than one hat, though. His well-muscled six-foot frame and steely gaze were deterrent enough for the sort of miscreant the road might offer, but more importantly, he was our introduction to the candidate. For all that I was wearing a few items of his handiwork, I still didn't really know Yusuf by then, he tends to the quiet side, but there's nothing like a journey to get to know someone. Jake I've known for years, almost since he was first stranded south of the border during the troubles that followed the dissolution of the Union.

It's only seven miles to the city but we gathered as the sun rose over the rolling fields. In my youth I could walk there in a couple of hours. In my youth I didn't need to, though, because buses still ran and then later I could drive. Now only military vehicles could be seen on the road, though rarely this far from London.

“You've decided on a route?” Jake asked as I locked up the workshop.

“I was thinking of the old railway line, then the old A50 as we may as well stop off at Dr. John's and deliver this.” I held up the rucksack full of supplies. Jake looked dubious.

“That's under. I prefer over.”

“It all depends, Jake. You told me yourself that the Squire's men have been patrolling recently. No-one's been robbed down there for months.”

Yusuf was looking confused. “Under or over what?”

“The motorway,” I explained. “We have to cross the M1 somewhere between here and the city. It's a choice between who's lurking in the shadows or a detour of a few miles. You'll be carrying the rucksack, Yusuf, seeing as Jake's going to be scouting ahead, and I'm too old.”

“Fine, fine, but I don't like it,” Jake grumbled. 





In the event, it was fine as we passed from the dappled sunlight of the overgrown track into the cool, damp shade beneath the motorway bridge. Blackened scorch marks and smoke trails obscured some of the decades old graffiti on the concrete, and a ring of boulders marked a fire pit. Whoever left it there hadn't cleared up after them, and I couldn't help wondering if I'd been overconfident after all. The enclosed space echoed with distant memories from my childhood. 

Once the potential trouble spot was cleared, Jake forged ahead on the path, senses alert for any danger. I turned to Yusuf, wanting to break the silence that had fallen over me in the bridge's chilly underbelly.

“I remember when that motorway was newly built,” I said, pointing back with my thumb. “I saw the last train on this track before it was ripped up and made into a footpath. I was only a toddler, but I saw it.”

“You are a local man, then?” Yusuf replied, politely.

“Oh, yes. This used to be my playground as a boy. That bridge was my limit. My parents always said I should never go any further from home than there.”

“And you obeyed?”

“Did I heck! The best blackberry picking was always on the far side of the bridge,” I laughed. 
“What about you, Yusuf? Where did you grow up?”

“My parents came over from Pakistan, but I was born in Leicester. They would be about your age, I guess.”

“Would?” I asked, tentatively.

“They were on the Last Hajj.”

“I'm sorry.” I didn't know what else to say. What can you say?

“We weren't close,” he added. “They disowned me.” 

“Even so...”

“They said Allah hates gays,” Yusuf continued, the revelations coming thick and fast, I thought. “Otherwise I would have been with them. On the Hajj, I mean.”

“You miss them, though, surely?” It felt trite, even as I spoke. 

“They put me out of their hearts. I returned the favour. I got used to being alone.” There was a vehemence to his voice, as though he was trying to convince himself, too. 

“So that's why you wound up at New Alchemy?”

“Yes. At first the community just shunned me when they found out I was gay, but after … that ... I couldn't go to the mosque any more. How could I pray when I literally had to face what had happened, what my fellow Muslims had done? I helped protect our neighbourhood from the nationalist thugs and then the rioters, but it was my own neighbours who burnt my house and chased me out. So here I am. A lonely, gay, apostate outcast. I feel like I'm everyone's scapegoat some days.”

The last ten years or so haven't been easy for anyone, but I could understand how difficult it had been for Yusuf. 

“Well, there'll be none of that at the farm,” I said. 

“No. I'm glad of that, you're the first people to treat me like I'm not everything that's gone wrong in the world. It feels like a bubble of sanity in a sea of crazy.” 

“We've had our share of crazy, too, but it seems to be calming down again now.” At least, as long as Christina stays on the right side of the Squire, I thought to myself. I'm still not quite sure what sort of a deal she's done, but he's someone we need inside the tent, as they say, and he has brought back some sense of order around the villages. Not exactly law, but order at least. That's a start.

We paced side by side for a few minutes in silence, then bumped up against Jake crouching beneath the cascading foliage overhanging the path. He gestured for us to be quiet and edged forward, pulling out his treasured binoculars. Jake spent a couple of minutes scanning the surrounding area, then, satisfied, he waved us on once more. We broke cover on to the street of what used to be a quiet country town. A boarded up pub, opposing rows of once-desirable houses, then on the bend in the road, the irony of a petrol station, forlorn and silent.

This had once been a good neighbourhood, with the misfortune of lying too close to a bad one. We would be skirting the bad neighbourhood for a while after we made it to the A50, but that had become just as depopulated as this town. The area had suffered disproportionately during the second wave of fuel protests. I'd heard the stories, but I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. In the year 2000 the truckers' blockades had come close to toppling the government, but in the second wave a few years ago they didn't stop the protests after three days. The government had learnt from previous experience, though, and troops hit the streets once the riots began.

Yusuf barely batted an eyelid at the damage. He'd been in the city at the time, and had seen much worse, he told me. Luckily we'd been reasonably isolated on the farm, except that it was about this time the Squire had started making a name for himself, but he was strictly poacher then, his conversion to gamekeeper still ahead of him.

Jake had us through the burnt out streets in next to no time, and the wide avenue of the A50 opened out before us. Up ahead a small band of travellers were also on their way towards the city, clearly traders heading for the market. Thursday had been market day since Domesday, a thousand-year tradition persisting through all the tumults and disruptions of English history, and persisting still, regardless of any central authority to uphold the ancient Royal Charter. There had been a market on the Thursday before Richard III marched his army out of the city towards Bosworth Field, and again on the Thursday after his naked and broken corpse returned, draped across a horse's saddle. Neither Cromwell nor the Luftwaffe had broken the rhythm of commerce, but the fuel protesters had come close. People still trudged to the city with their wares, and we trudged along with our own. The land rose steeply here, and Yusuf groaned quietly and shucked the rucksack on his shoulders until it sat more comfortably.

“Cheer up, laddie,” Jake called. “The doc's just ahead now.” The Scottish veteran had relaxed somewhat on seeing the other travellers, further indication that the recent banditry had been suppressed, for a while at least. 





The cluster of low, squat buildings where Dr. John Jackson runs his clinic still glories in the title of hospital, although most of the abandoned buildings were mothballed in the austerity years, whilst others fell into disuse more chaotically as the services became impossible given the constrained resources available more recently. What began under the guise of regionalisation, the concentration of services into 'centres of excellence', amounted to little more than the withdrawal of the legions and an off-hand note that us provincials should 'look to our own defences' as the centre, that is to say London, looked out for itself. A generation of medics raised and trained in the high-tech NHS of the early 21st century found their skills too abstract and specialised to cope. Front-line healthcare fell to an ever ageing cadre of GPs with memories and training from a less sophisticated time, and they struggle on, training the few driven acolytes willing to relearn medical basics and adapt to a new reality. Dr. John was at least ten years my senior, any thought of retirement long gone, erased by the need to pass on the torch before it sputtered out.

We halted at the gate to the grounds, and a guard with all the looks of another veteran peered through the chain link at the three of us.

“Morning, gentlemen,” he growled, wary eyes looking us up and down. “State your business, please.”

“Supplies for Dr. Jackson,” I told him, but he still eyed Yusuf suspiciously, the bulging backpack evidently causing him some concern.

“He's in surgery. Got an appointment?”

We hadn't, so I gave the guard my name. 

“Step back from the gate, gentlemen.” A quick whistle summoned a boy from the shade of the ramshackle shed that stood nearby, and the guard spoke a few words into his ear before the youngster scampered off towards a curve in the path and disappeared between the overgrown rhododendrons that grew in patches throughout the grounds.

We sat on the verge and passed around the water bottle as we waited. We didn't speak much, Yusuf just muttered a comment about being everyone's scapegoat once again, and Jake quietly surveyed the small groups of people passing along the road to the weekly market. Occasionally guards passed us as they patrolled inside the hospital fence, each casting a wary eye over us and exchanging meaningful glances with the gate keeper. Resounding footsteps heralded the return of the message boy and we were admitted.





“Michael, so good to see you in person. How are you keeping? What have you got for us today?” Dr. John's greeting was effusive, and the man had a nervous energy, almost birdlike with his thin frame and flapping voluminous white coat. He had come into his waiting room to meet us. Before leading us through to the dispensary he had a quick, reassuring word with the next waiting patient. The young woman sported a ragged mass of bandages on her forearm, and she nodded apprehensively as Dr. John explained that his assistant, Martyna, would redress her burns.

The dispensary was a large room, edged with cupboards, the walls lined with shelves above the work surfaces. Although the hospital could still generate a trickle of electricity, there was only enough for a few lights. Old, yellowed power sockets clustered redundantly around the work spaces, and all the equipment was manual. Where once digital scales had stood, a glass-cased apothecary balance with brass weights held pride of place. Beside it, a polished tablet press, a rack of ointment spatulas and marble mixing slabs. Mortars nestled in a stack like Russian dolls. An ancient autoclave sat atop a gas burner, fed by a rubber tube which snaked its way from a hole hacked into the wall and crudely resealed with plaster of Paris.

The shelves would once have held phalanxes of cardboard boxes, their bright colours and commercial logos lined up in a parade of proprietary synonyms and intellectual property rights. Now, nearly all the blister-packed petrochemical by-products were gone, replaced by the hand-labelled bottles and jars of dried herbs. The few staple medicines that occasionally found their way out of London filled no more than two or three shelves.

Jake found himself a chair and promptly nodded off to sleep, as old soldiers are wont to do when they can. Yusuf gratefully shed the burden of his backpack, and under Dr. John Jackson's eager eyes, decanted the containers inside on to a clear patch of the bench. 

Dr. John instantly eyed the dark brown glass bottle. “Iodine?” 

“Yes," I replied. "Alcoholic tincture. You mentioned in your last letter that antiseptics were getting scarce.”

“I did, I did, thank you! But how...?”

“Not easy. We had to trade for this. We could make it ourselves, but we can't haul enough kelp this far inland, and there's still sulphuric acid to find. Anyway, that's going to cost you some silver.”

“Not a problem, Michael. It's worth its weight in gold and not a moment too soon. Did you get a whiff of that bandage when you came through?”

Two clear glass bottles containing distilled alcohol were next, and Dr. John nodded eagerly, already seeing uses for the new materials. 

“These are our own,” I said as Yusuf placed out the smaller bottles containing essential oils. 
“Peppermint, lavender, eucalyptus and wintergreen. You will need to assay them to sort out doses,” I cautioned. We do what we can to standardise the products, but variations in the weather and individual plants mean it's always an imprecise art. Precision was one more of the luxuries that went away with the loss of industrial pharmaceutics. 

Next followed the salves and ointments in screw-top jars. “Arnica, calendula, echinacea,” I announced each tub as Yusuf reached into the pack. “There's also some echinacea extract,” I added.

By now there were only the paper wraps of dried herbs left. 

“We've got something new for you this time.” I beamed. “For your insomniacs, neurotics and worriers. Valerian root. We managed to acquire some seed a couple of years ago and have finally gone into production. Treat it as a mid-range sedative. More potent than chamomile, and saves your opium for pain-relief.”

“I'll file it under 'valium', then,” the aged medic laughed. “There's not been much to replace the benzodiazepines to date.”

The backpack was nearly empty by now, and Yusuf placed the final bags of herbs on the counter top. Dr. John read off the labels. “Chamomile, good. Digitalis, feverfew, willow bark, excellent. And these?” He held up the last two small bags, which were unlabelled.

I spoke quietly. “You mentioned some... ah, delicate... requirements when you wrote last.”

Dr. John nodded gravely as he peered into each bag and sniffed at the contents. The bitter tang of rue and the aromatic pungency of pennyroyal assailed his nostrils and he slipped the herbs into a nearby drawer, which he locked with a small, brass key. Regardless of the need, given the moral climate, some things are best left unspoken.

The medic was as good as his word and handed over the silver coins. I woke Jake and he stashed the payment in an inside pocket.

“Is there anything else you need, John?” I asked.

“Apart from everything?” he replied ruefully. “We really need quinine, but there's none to be had. The malaria is spreading northwards, you know. I don't know if quinine is even still being imported or if it's something else they're hoarding in London.”

“There's nothing we can do for that, I'm afraid. We can produce citronella for mosquito repellent, but nothing more.”

“No, I guessed as much. It's getting harder every day, Michael,” he confided. “Some days I feel like the little Dutch boy with my finger in the dike, holding back the tide of diseases we thought we'd defeated. A lot of the time palliative care is the best we can offer. Sometimes I find myself wishing for the old days, when the surgery was filled with the worried well, when everyone wanted antibiotics for their colds and sniffles.”

“So what do you give them now? Rose-hip syrup?” I asked.

“Exactly, but there's not many who come in with colds nowadays. They save their silver for the children. Since we've had no vaccines, childhood illnesses are back in force. So many of my younger colleagues had never seen them before. We are all learning forgotten lessons all over again. Let's face it, we're almost back to Culpeper, Michael. We've just dropped the astrology in favour of germ theory.”





We took our leave of the medic and he hurried back to Martyna in the surgery, clutching the iodine tincture almost as a talisman. Back on the road, the market traffic was steady and I could see a donkey cart ahead of us, heaped with new potatoes, standing proud above the scattered walkers with their packs. Clearly some groups had travelled together for mutual protection, but the huddles were loosening somewhat now the city was in sight. As we crested the hill we could see out across the rooftops, hazy with the wood smoke which settled in the valley. We had made good time after all, and it was not yet noon. 

Yusuf, free of his burden, had more of a spring in his step, but Jake was more guarded with his own burden of a pocketful of silver. We walked on towards our next meeting. There were a few stationary figures posted at intervals along the road. Hard looking men squinted in the sunlight, a preponderance of red showing in their clothing. Most sported lengths of polished wood that could serve as clubs or staves, some of which resembled, and probably were, old police truncheons.

Jake caught my sidelong gaze as we passed one group. “The Mayor's men,” he hissed. I felt no more comfortable for their reassuring presence than I had felt driving past the speed camera vans that had used to lurk on the verge. Yusuf, I noticed, was gazing intently at his feet as we passed the watchmen.

Occasionally we saw small children sitting on a garden wall, bucket and shovel to hand, ready to dive out and retrieve anything the few horses or other draught animals may deposit on the ancient, pot-holed tarmac. In an isolated island struggling to feed itself, every scrap of fertility is valuable, either for the family garden or to exchange for food with others. 

The changes in the city, the destruction and dereliction, were shocking to me, but then so were some of the things that had survived the troubles of the past decade. Between the highway and the slum estate, the large allotment gardens still produced, barricaded behind rusted wire and unruly hawthorn hedges, busier now with gardeners than ever I saw in my youth. 

As we crossed the first of the bridges that marked the ancient boundary of the city, I was reminded of Dr. John's revelation. The water was turgid and mud showed along the edges, the Soar's flow reduced dramatically. Sure enough, there amongst the silted islands and willow regrowth, stagnant water pooled, lying in wait for mosquitoes and malaria. 

Beyond the bridge, on the island formed between the river's natural course and the canalised, navigable route, lay what used to be a vibrant light industrial zone. I can just about remember it being vibrant, anyway, but the fires in vacant factories had started long before the last recession, when it was still possible to insure the buildings. After that it went through a twilight phase of car-washes on vacant lots, a half-hearted redevelopment scheme that embarrassed a few city councillors and saw a few more incarcerated, and finally it had become a haven for urban wildlife, largely ignored as the windblown buddleias had worked their roots into powdery mortar. The shuffling figures I could see amongst the debris and rubble were being watched over by more of the hard-faced men in red. Picks and hammers worked at the stone and brick, whilst carts trundled in empty, and out again laden with beams, girders and carefully sorted masonry. As I peered through the fence I could see the ropes hobbling the workers and binding them into teams. They clearly were not there voluntarily.

I was roused from my musings by a shout from one of the watchmen on the bridge. “Keep moving there!” Jake pulled at my arm, and I stumbled after him.

“Don't draw attention,” he whispered. “They'll think we're planning a breakout.”

We moved on quickly, until we reached the second bridge where the mayor's salvage wagons and the market traffic combined to form a snarling bottleneck in the narrow carriageway. Once we had cleared the crush, it was time for us to part from the crowd, as our route wouldn't be taking us to the market.

“OK, Yusuf, which way now?” I asked

“The Muslim enclave. When we get there, please, let me do the talking.”

Christina hadn't told me much about the candidate, just that she was very keen he should join us. I'd asked her why, but she'd just said 'You'll see'. I had pressed her on how she could be so sure about someone she'd not even met. She had just said that she didn't want to raise my hopes and that the final decision was mine.

The enclave was a neighbourhood of two-up two-down terraces, and as we approached, I could see barricades across the narrow street. Yusuf walked ahead, Jake and I following close behind.

Salaam elaikum,” he called out. At first there was no answer, then an upstairs window opened just beyond the barrier, someone peered out and a brief exchange in Urdu followed.

“We must wait, my grandfather is coming,” Yusuf translated. 





Hafiz, the grandfather, the candidate although he didn't know it yet, led us through the silent street to his home. Yusuf was looking nervous, as well he might entering a neighbourhood that had once turned against him. For my part, I was dismayed. Hafiz must have been older even than Dr. John, and less sprightly, too. Had Christina realised his age? My intention to be back at the farm by nightfall was beginning to look impractical, to say the least. Even Jake raised a querying eyebrow at me. I couldn't see this working out well, any way I looked at it. We were going to have to hire a cart, and staying overnight would mean we'd miss the market traders heading out of town.

The small, terraced house was cool inside, a relief from the sun that was finally burning through the haze outside.

“So, Yusuf, you have come back to us.” The tone in Hafiz's voice seemed more reproachful than welcoming.

“Not to stay, grandfather.”

“You can if you want. Why not?”

“You know why not. For the same reason I had to leave in the first place.”

The grandfather looked wistful. “Things have changed. In the community, I mean, a lot can be forgiven. We need young men, Yusuf, you belong with other Muslims.”

“There are no Muslims, grandfather!” Yusuf almost shouted. “It's over. How can you still believe after...”

“He was my son!” Hafiz snapped back. “You think I don't feel it, too?”

“I'm sorry. I didn't come here to argue. You're all the family I have left, we should stick together, not fight.”

Hafiz nodded, assenting to the truce. “So why are you here? You and your friends.”

“I, we, want you to join us,” Yusuf began. “It's not safe for you here. We have a farm, outside the city. Your experience would be valued, more than it is here.”

“I'm safe enough here, Yusuf,” the older man countered. “You've been gone two years. It's safer now.”

Yusuf snorted. “Hnnn! Safer? Why are the barricades still standing? Why else do you need young men?”

“It's years since the last riots,” Hafiz said. “It's true, the nationalists still cause some trouble, but we can protect ourselves. I'm too old for farm work now, anyway.”

“We need you as a teacher, not a labourer. Teach me. Let me look after you.”

At this, Hafiz turned to me, scepticism clear in his voice. “So what is this farm my grandson is talking about? What use is an old man like me?” 

I was beginning to wonder about that myself, and suddenly found myself in the spotlight. “Well, as Yusuf said, it's outside the city. We've been running over twenty-five years now, ever since the big recession. A few of us were out of work, so we got together and tried to make a living growing food, but the fuel crisis made us rethink things quite a bit.”

Hafiz nodded. “Everyone had to rethink things then. I had just moved to England to be with my family. It was not a good time to be a Muslim here, not when the Saudis stopped exporting their oil. Everybody blamed us! We were the evil Muslims keeping all the oil.”

“Aye, you and the Scots alike,” interjected Jake. 

“I should have stayed on my own farm,” continued Hafiz. “Life was simpler, even when the Taliban were trying to tell us what we can and can't grow. But when my wife died, Yusuf's father said I should come here to live with them. Then there was the so-called Saudi Spring, he went off on Hajj all excited about the new republic and never came back. All I have now is this godless grandson who never comes to see me.”

At first the world had cheered on the Saudi Spring, the al Saud regime was toppled but the 'democratic revolution' turned to bitter, sectarian civil war and thousands of pilgrims were trapped. Outside forces were rumoured to be at play, as they always are. Which faction, or nation, deployed the weapon that caused the ultimate atrocity can never be known for sure, but the destruction of Mecca and the Last Hajj plunged the Islamic world into crisis. The faith of millions was shattered and the world reeled. Yusuf and his grandfather had found themselves on opposite sides of a great divide. Yusuf's faith was blasted and his god destroyed; Hafiz's faith tested beyond bearing, but unbroken.

“I can't put everything right, grandfather, but there's a place on our farm for you, if only you'll come,” tried Yusuf once more. “And I promise, I'll see you every day so you can pass on your knowledge.”

Hafiz blinked away what seemed to be a tear and asked, “What's so different about this farm that it has a place for a man like me?”

I continued with my short history of the farm. “After the fuel crisis, transport became difficult and getting bulky crops to market was a struggle and barely worth it. So we decided to grow food only for ourselves and I returned to my roots, as it were. Before, I had been a pharmacist, so I knew what a world oil shortage could do to the pharmaceutical industry. We converted as much land as we could to medicinal crops and collected all the herbs we could find to build up a seed bank. Maintaining the genetic stock is vital, but the collection is far from complete.”

Suddenly, Hafiz's expression changed. He beamed a wide smile at Yusuf. “Now, I understand. All right, Yusuf, I'll teach you everything I know. I thought the tradition would die with me. Your father never approved, you know.” 

Jake and I were both surprised at the suddenness of the reconciliation, but Hafiz turned to me and said “Come, come. You must see my garden, then you'll understand the gift Yusuf has given me.”

As I stepped out into the narrow back yard, realisation dawned on me, too. To one side of the path a host of shimmering poppies, on the other an unmistakeable mass of serrated, fingered leaves, fragrant in the heat of the day.

“Swat Valley's finest!” Hafiz exclaimed, with pride in his voice.

Christina had known all along I would accept the new candidate. Hafiz's knowledge, and his seed stock, would be invaluable to the farm.

“This farm of yours,” Hafiz asked, “What is it called?”

Yusuf spoke before I could open my mouth. “New Alchemy Farm, grandfather.”

“Ah, yes. Al-kimiya. That's a good Islamic word.”